England retain the Ashes after draw with Australia – as it happened | Andy Bull and John Ashdown (2024)

But I suspect not. Thanks for sharing it with us all the same, and for all your emails. The OBO will be back on Friday for the fourth Test. Cheerio.

Oh yes, there is one little thing left to deal with. The prize for the Best XI goes, I think, to Stephen Holt. Well done that man.

He's smiling. "I don't want to take anything away from England. They played some really good cricket and they deserved to be 2-0 up coming into this game." He says that "our goal is to try and level the series" and adds of his 187 that "I'd rather have got a duck and we had won the Test match to be honest".

That wasn't the most stirring description of sporting success I've ever heard.

"It is a great feeling, but a strange feeling today." It is, he adds, "nice to retain the Ashes. Obviously." Cook says that "the ground hasn't quite got the atmosphere but the feeling in the dressing room is a very pleasant one." He says that England have "retained the Ashes, now we have to go and win them."

The Ashes themselves aren't being presented till the end of the fifth Test at the Oval.

says Andrew Strauss. " And it's a shame, because I think everyone is going to leave here with a little bit of a bitter taste in their mouths." I'm not sure I'd go quite that far. But there is a very flat feeling about the aftermath of the day's play. We haven't even really seen any celebrations from the players yet, other than their brief stroll around the balcony to applaud the crowd when the news broke that the game had been abandoned.

By winning the final two Tests. My suspicion is we may have seen the best of Australia in this match though. I'm not sure how much more they have to give. England, on the other hand, are still a long way short of playing as well as they can do. We'll find out on Friday in Durham. "Congrats to England," says a self-described crestfallen Australian, Martin Gillam, "But it's worth noting that with a couple of minor changes in fortune (Broad's thick edge, Manchester weather) Australia for all its problems could well be leading 2-1. What does that say about this England side?" That they're not as good as they were two years ago, I'd suggest, when they became the World's no1 team, but then we discovered that last summer when they lost to the team who usurped them, South Africa.

For once, Simon McMahon, it seems it did.

The players have gone back inside and are packing up, getting ready to go home. There are a few dozen tipsy fans in the stands, sopping wet, cheering out "Eng-ger-land! Eng-ger-land! Eng-ger-land!"

Frabjous day.

I suppose Michael Clarke told the umpires that he was happy to shake hands and call it a day.

The players are out on the balcony applauding the few people still in the stands. And, umm, that's it really. They've gone back inside now.

Gower and Warne are now talking about bird watching. Gower has actually just apologised to Andrew Strauss for making him come in to the studio when there is so little to talk about.

We're expecting an announcement some time soon. Possibly to be followed by an open-top bus parade down the motorway to Trafalgar square.

England called the Durham all-rounder up to the nets at Lord's along with Chris Tremlett and Monty Panesar, and he could be an outside bet to make the squad for the winter. His batting has fallen away a bit, but he has, by all accounts, turned into a serious bowler this season. He's taken 32 wickets at 24.93 so far this season in the first division.

"Do you & the OBOers think its time to strengthen the bowling?" asks Alex Roberts. "With Bressie-lad in the team the batting looks better but at the cost of a proper first change bowler. Perhaps time for Bairstow to have a little break to make room for Onions?" I don't think so, no. For a start, despite what happened in here I don't think it is the bowling that is the problem so much as it is the occasional fragility of the batting. Bresnan always seems to be first in line to be dropped, but he was much the best quick of the three in the first innings here. I'm not quite convinced that Bairstow is the right man for the No6 slot, but England are, and I wouldn't criticise them for sticking with him now they have made that decision. I tend to think we have one young Tyke too many in the top six at the moment.

Dale Steyn has a starring role in the new Adam Sandler film, Family Moon. No, really. Apparently "the film focuses on a couple who, after a disastrous blind date, find themselves stuck together with their children from a previous marriage".We haven't heard where Steyn comes in. But I'm sure hilarity will ensue.

It appears that Mark Wahlberg has just bought a stake in the Barbados Tridents of the Caribbean Premier League. Reports that the Tridents, whose squad includes such stars of the modern game as Kieron Pollard, Shakib Al Hasan, Umar Akmal and, umm, Shoaib Malik, are to be renamed the Barbados Funky Bunch have not yet been confirmed.

It's been brought to my attention that certain miscreants have been sending the same emails to us as they have to certain upstart imitators of ours. Of course I'm talking about the rival cricket commentary over at Saga Magazine. I can't blame you for being tempted by their special reader offers on those garden shears with long handles and polyester-blend chinos. I'm looking at you, Mac Millings.

The players are sitting tight for the minute, waiting to see whether the umpires will call it all off. They won't do that for a little while yet.

Andy Bull will be your guide after "tea". Send him your thoughts at andy.bull@guardian.co.uk

But it's still Peter Siddling it down at Old Trafford anyway.

Courtesy of Mac Millings: "Rainy Richardson, Colin Cloudrey, David Shower, Lashin' Tendulkar, Cyril Washout, Lance Hurri-Cairns, Frank Typhoon Tyson, Ray Not looking too Bright, Pourl Allott, Derek Thunderwood, Look out the window, it's P.Siddling down."

The latest rainfall radars do suggest that we're done for the day and that England will therefore retain the Ashes.

"How about these world-beaters, the England all-time -ey team," suggests Mac Millingsey. "Athey, Key, Graveney, Cowdrey (c), Tyldesley, Crawley, Blakey (wk), Willey, Emburey, Selvey, Dilley. 12th Man: Duleepsinhjey."

Not a bad side but would have no chance against my -ott XI underpinned by Boycott, Knott, Trott, Allott and Ilott.

… you do get the sense that Australia have exorcised the demons of Lord's. There really isn't a huge amount between these teams.

"The all-Smith England Xl was pretty good, but couldn't bring the Aussies to their knees nearly as effectively as this single-named squad," writes Jake McIntyre. "Driving Rain, Pouring Rain, Torrential Rain (c), Scattered Rain, Heavy Rain, Constant Rain, Threatened Rain (wk), Light Rain, Blasted Rain, Hard Rain, MF Rain."

Can't believe you've left out Purple Rain.

From Peter Baxter: "Graham Gooch, Gordon Greenidge, Gautam Gambhir, Colin Cowdrey, Richie Richardson, Mushtaq Mohammad, Matthew Maynard (wk), Chris Cairns, Malcolm Marshall, Morne Morkel, Muttiah Muralitharan. Rolls off the tongue and over most other teams, I believe. Double points for Matthew Myfanwy Maynard."

"As an English cricket fan from 1985 onwards – see my Richard Ellison related blog on the Guardian Sport Network – I am quite happy to watch the rain come down and take the draw today which will assure that the Ashes stay in England until the winter at least," writes Steven Pye. "In fact, I had a conversation along these lines with a colleague this morning, who wanted a bit of excitement today. He soon changed his mind when we were three wickets down though."

And if the radar is to be believed it's beginning to look pretty bleak for Australia.

"The Alan’s, Michael’s and Bill’s wouldn’t stand a chance against this line-up," writes Andrew Martin. "(Requires cloning): Tino Best, Tino Best, Tino Best, Tino Best, Tino Best, Tino Best, Tino Best, Tino Best, Tino Best, Tino Best, Tino Best."

… to their hovering pitch-covering mothership, which means we might not have that 2.45pm inspection after all.

Here'sRaghuram Cadambi: "Not quite up there with the Michaels, but could give them a game, the Andy/Andrew XI: Strauss, Hudson, Flower, Ganteaume,Symonds,Hall, Flintoff, Bichel, Caddick, Roberts, Whittal."

Here's Jeff Grimshaw: "I think this one might give the Michael’s a run for their money: Bill Ponsford, Bill Lawry, Bill Woodfull, WG Grace, Bill Edrich, Willie Watson, Bert Oldfield (first name William), Bill O’Reilly, Bill Bowes, Bill Voce, Bill Johnston."

"As the post-lunch rain is descending I wondered whether you would mind mentioning my little website, which may be of interest to cricket fanatics across the land?" begins Nicola Davies. "I’ve designed an infogram showing were the fielding positions are on a cricket pitch, and I’m selling it to raise awareness of Time to Change. This is a campaign run by Mind and Rethink Mental illness to end mental health discrimination.

"I wanted to make the link between depression and cricket because I’ve loved the game ever since I was knee high to a short leg (sorry, I had to shoehorn in a bad cricket pun!) I’m a member at Sussex CCC, and am proud of the way the club has supported Michael Yardy through the depression that forced him to fly home from the World Cup in 2011. I too have been signed off work with depression and know how important it is to have a supportive and understanding employer. Marcus Trescothick is another cricketer whose mental health problems prematurely ended his England career, and he is subsequently an ambassador for Time to Change.

"As well as including Time to Change information (about the importance of talking about mental health – one of the key messages of the campaign: you don’t have to be an expert, just asking someone how they are can make all the difference) I’m also donating 10% of the proceeds to Mind, as a thank you for the support I’ve received from them. If I hadn’t been made redundant recently I would happily have donated the whole lot – but there and again if I hadn’t been made redundant I wouldn’t have had the time to design a screen print and launch a website!"

And: "Joe Root is on 13 not out and 666 Test career runs," writes James Crowder. Yikes …

It's fairly heavy stuff and it's hugely frustrating for Australia. Siddle had Bell in big trouble with two of his three balls there. If that, and this morning, was any indication the tourists might only need 20 overs or so to get this done. But will they get them?

Ho hum. Try and cheer yourself up with Tom Jenkins' gallery of the day's best snaps so far. (WARNING: features covers.

Moving ominously towards Old Trafford is a dark cloud the size of Belgium. Nevertheless Siddle continues and beats Bell all ends up outside off stump, then with his third ball finds the batsman's thumb – it flies over the slips. England pick up a couple of runs, and Bell calls for the physio. And then it throws it down. Off they come again.

… for how long who knows.

"Unfortunately it probably loses to the Michael XI," reckons Alex Campbell. "Gooch, Smith, Hick, Thorpe, Dilley, Swann, Onions, Pollock, Fowler, Yallop, Napier."

Feels like the Ians and the Alans would have a decent shout too …

We've lost just five overs.

"Following Bull/Selvey's fun with great English H's/B's, I got to wondering which first name would give you the greatest World Test XI," writes Michael Jelley. "And then I thought, wouldn't it be great if the best name in the history of cricket were Michael? Atherton, Gatting,Vaughan, Hussey, Clarke, Procter, Brearley, Hendrick, Bevan, Holding, Kasprowicz (If Hussey can be pressed into keeping, otherwise sometime WI keeper Mike Findlay can drop in for Brearley). Tour Blogger: Lord Selve. Can anyone beat that?"

No news on an inspection yet but if anything it is looking a touch brighter.

It has just started chucking it down. Covers coming on. Hopefully it's the tail end of something passing through rather than an advance party of forthcoming apocalyptic precipitation.

That is all.

I reckon the drops we're getting at Old Trafford at the moment are the bottom end of the band of rain that is currently moving north of Manchester. They shouldn't cause much delay. The major problem is the band to the south. It's moving slowly north and east. It could slide past. It will need to if we're going to get a result here.

"This current plan of arriving late, throwing away a review and losing the wickets of the two batsmen you’d ordinarily expect to just bat out the day is actually the greatest ruse ever, because it should completely crush their morale," writes Paul Wakefield. "We’ve already suckered them into a false sense of hope that they might win the game, when obviously our intention is to now go on and smash their attack to all parts of Manchester and get home at a canter.

"England are currently taking the shine off the ball. We have two of our more attacking batsmen at the crease, with others to follow. There are 83 more overs left in the day and we only need to score at a run rate of less than 4 an over to win the match. Surely this is the ultimate payback for the years of torment we’ve endured."

I've suddenly developed an unhealthy interest in UKrainfall radar maps," writes Alan Watt. "Though I have little idea how to interpret them, there is a disturbing gap between the two main bands which seems to have Manchesternear its centre. England might actually have to save themselves, rather than relying on the rain to do it for them."

"There are one set of villains here," writes Charlie Heymann. "The unanimous forecast of unremitting rain is looking on a par with Michael Fish “hurricane, what hurricane” call in 1987. We need answers now and names shamed. If England goes down, they all will have revised their weather maps on the evening news to brainwash us into thinking they had predicted this. Perhaps not surprising given Bill Giles revelations today about the internecine fighting in the 1980s BBC Weather Centre."

A few spots are currently falling at Old Trafford. And it's pretty dingy out there.

The debate continues to evolve. The third umpire has clearly lost all faith in Hotspot, and rightly so on the evidence of Pietersen's wicket. There was a clear, audible nick … which Hotspot failed to register. The issue seemed to have decisively moved away from the use of the technology towards the incompetence with which it is used by the third umpire. Now we're back to whether the stuff works or not.

What a session! Test cricket at its very, very best. Australia (and Ryan Harris in particular) have been tremendous with the new ball all series:

First Test
England first innings: 102-3
England second innings: 121-3

Second Test
England first innings: 28-3
England second innings: 30-3

Third Test
England first innings: 64-3
England second innings: 27-3

Yet England have recovered to 215, 375, 361, 349-7dec and 368. Rain isn't the only thing standing in the way of an Australian victory …

Get busy praying, OBOers...

Now it is time for the latest installment in our ongoing series, Ashers at the Ashes. John Ashdown is taking over for the afternoon session, so send your emails to him now please on john.ashdown@guardian.co.uk.

There are, I have to say, thick black clouds massing behind Old Trafford. The rain is surely going to arrive at some time. It can't be soon enough for England.

Intriguing. Michael Clarke is bringing himself on to bowl, for the first time in this series. England play it out easily enough.

Root clips a single away behind square. England badly need to get into lunch here, so they can regroup, and also, to be frank, to take 40 minutes out of the day before the weather comes. "Can I mention the test we're never allowed to discuss?" asks Chris Drew. No. No you can't. I've already got a tic in my eyebrow from trying to supress the thought.

Four from Lyon's latest over. "All together now" says John Starbuck, "Is it cowardly to pray for rain?"

Well, Australia have got the three men you would have picked out as England's key batsmen the series started. But now they have to find a way past the man who has done more to shape this series than any other player, Ian Bell. This is the third time in four innings that England have been 30-3, following on from their performance at Lord's. Siddle is all over England here, welcoming Bell to the fray with a pair of vicious short balls outside off-stump. This is as exciting a spell of Test cricket as I have seen in a very long time, this is why some of us want to watch close contests, why some of us really do think that the Ashes are a little different, that what Emma John described as "the legend that surrounds" this series hasn't been built in the imaginations press and public, but has been inspired by the performances of the players themselves.

Pietersen is fuming. He is sure he hasn't hit that. But the umpires have decided that there's not enough evidence either way to overturn the original decision.

KP has been given out caught behind! He's aghast! He clearly doesn't think he has hit it. But behind the stumps Brad Haddin was absolutely convinced! Hot Spot doesn't show anything! But there is a little noise, I think, as the ball passes the bat.

This will be intriguing. Lyon is bowling to Pietersen, coming around the wicket. The replays of that dropped catch don't flatter Clarke. He should have taken that. He got both hands to it, but it bounced back off the heel of his palm. Pietersen is in a bit of a muddle here, walking around his wicket, throwing his bat but not connecting. "You know," says Andrew Pack, "the English media and lots of England fans have been slaughtering Watson for his flaws in batting, but if you take a step back and compare his scores to Trott's in the three tests so far, it is clear that Trott is in far worse form at the moment. Trott has done wonders for England, and 'form is temporary, class is permanent' and I have confidence that he will come good, but there really is something badly awry with his form - or Australia's plans for him have been executed to perfection." There's some truth in that, though I'm not sure you need to make the comparison with Watson to point it out, given the differences between their respective records.

And here, at last, is Peter Siddle, replacing Ryan Harris. He draws a false stroke from Pietersen, an inside edge that rattled off the pads, went through his legs, past the stumps and away behind square. Dropped him! Siddle has found the edge of Joe Root's bat here, and the catch flew to Clarke in the slips, a little low to his left. He fluffed it though. So Root bats on. "Further to Martin Lloyd's e-mail," says Tom Hopkins. "I think it's just bad luck that England happened to be in a hotel with no windows so couldn't just open the curtains and note that it had, in fact, stopped raining." Sounds a little like the office we write the OBO from.

A curious move this. Clarke brings Nathan Lyon into the attack. Jeepers-creepers his second ball turned a lot, 12 inches and more from outside off-stump back in towards Root's midriff. Root eases the next ball away for a single, and Pietersen then sweeps another run away square. "A little over twenty years ago I took my sons, then aged 10 and 8, to their first Ashes test at Old Trafford and they witnessed THAT ball," says Brian James, in one of the most touching emails we've seen so far this summer. "Today they are there and decided not to ask me to join them. I hope they have a really sh*t day."

Harris rips a short ball past Pietersen's outside edge. He pulls his bat in just in time. No such nonsense to the next ball, another short one. Pietersen clatters it through mid-wicket for four.

Trott goes! Caught down the leg-side! Oh my.

Trott pushes two runs to third man.

So, that ball fell within the margin of error that means there's no choice but to uphold the original decision. Phew. Watson continues. He beats Root's outside edge with a lovely delivery, nipping away off the pitch. "This 'M' XI from the wilderness years is pretty formidable," says Edward Barlow. That's one word for it. "Hugh Morris, Martyn Moxon, John Morris, Matthew Maynard wk, Anthony McGrath, Darren Maddy, Peter Martin, Neil Mallender, Martin McCabe, Tim Munton, Alan Mullally."

Trott is given not out, but after a long chat Clarke has called for a review. This is tense. Trott didn't get his bat on it, so it is a straight question of whether it was going to hit the stumps or not. And it is, just. But not by enough to change the original decision. It was an inch too far over towards leg-stump. So Trott bats on.

Trott, bless him, is completely unperturbed by the circ*mstances he finds himself in. He's not in the best of form, but you'd never know it from his temperament, which is exactly the same as it would be if there were five overs to go in a ODI and he needed 50 from five overs.

The first bowling change brings Shane Watson into the attack. What does Siddle have to do to get a bowl with the new ball? A great bit of fielding from Chris Rogers at mid-wicket cuts off a glance from Root, forcing the batsman to turn back even as he was three strides down the pitch. "Listening to Sir Iron Bottom and Straussy talk about how unprepared the English team were for an on-time start, and watching them make heavy weather of this final day so far, I must say I am disappointed," says Sankaran Krishna. "After all that talk of 5-0 and whitewashes and all that, England seems content to just about nose ahead and cling onto the Ashes by their fingernails. They may well retain the Ashes, but they hardly look the dominant team in the contest going on out there."

Root is still scoreless, strokeless, as he was in the first innings. Strauss is speculating, rightly I feel, that Australia are exploiting the fact that he's a backfoot player by bowling full to him. That said, he has just clipped three runs away through mid-wicket to get off the mark. The sky, by the way, is full of broken grey clouds. It looks cold, and windy, but there's no sign of any rain yet. "Really?" says a gobsmacked Martin Lloyd. "If we lose this because our team couldn't be bothered to sit around in a dressing room for a few hours, starting at the ungodly hour of 11 o'clock then we deserve it. Hardly fits with the image of remorseless professionalism does it?"

Starc is still spraying the ball around. He lures Trott into playing at a delivery down the leg side, which, judging by the field he has set, is exactly what Clarke wants him to do. "All of the post mortems from Lord's were unanimous about one thing: that Australia had fumbled its 'DRS strategy' (you're not a serious Test team if you don't have one, I guess)," says Gervase Greeme. "And that England were the apotheosis of the modern uber professional outfit because their strategy was a cold, ruthless, professional thing. Can we now just agree that it quite often comes down to the fickle fortunes of pride, judgement, fear of failure and - dare we say it? - fortune? Just like, er, Test cricket for the past 150 years." Well, to be fair, Clarke has been awful at using the DRS. Last time I checked he had made two correct calls out of 15 in the series so far.

Harris starts the over with that yorker of his, honing in on the batsman's bootlaces, then ends it with a brilliant bouncer. Root blocked the first and ducked underneath the second. Strauss tells us that the England players were called at their hotel this morning and told not to bother coming to Old Trafford because it was raining and there was no chance of play. Which explains why they were still arriving at the ground while Australia were already out in the middle practicing. Like I say, I think Cook reviewed that mainly because he was still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, and not thinking straight.

Clarke takes gully out and sticks another man in close on the leg-side for Trott. Starc slings down a wide ball later in the over. He still can't stop him glancing the ball past the two of them for four though. I know Starc swings the new ball, but he's bowling too wide here, and Clarke surely shouldn't wait too long before bringing Peter Siddle into the attack here. Cunning stuff, this from Matt Taylor. "I've decided to dabble in a little reverse psychology and hope Australia win this match to keep the series alive. I've no doubt that as I'm an English fan this will have the reverse effect and KP and Bell will score 330 between them and keep the 5-nil opportunity alive. All bases covered I think."

Trott squirts a single away off the inside edge past that short leg, then sprints a quick single. He beat's Warner's throw from short extra cover by a foot or so. Harris is bowling beautifully here. He's just done Root all ends up with an 88mph away-swinger. Never mind an XI of English Smiths, says Stephen Holt, you can have an entire squad of them: "Alan Smith, C. Aubrey Smith, Chris Smith, David Smith (Gloucs), David Smith (Surrey, Sussex and Worcestershire), Denis Smith, Donald Smith, Ed Smith, Harry Smith, Jim Smith, M. J. K. Smith, Andrew Michael Smith, Peter Smith, Robin Smith, Tiger Smith."

The spectators are flooding in now, pouring through the gates to take their seats. Trott takes another single off his first ball from Starc. Starc's final delivery is his first decent delivery, an inswinger to Root that caught bat then ricocheted onto pad. The appeal died in the bowler's throat.

The old ones are the best worst ones. When is a game not a game? When it is afoot. Which this is. Trott is in, and Clarke has set a field with three slips, a gully, and a forward short leg. Trott knocks a single away square. Mike Duckworth has gone for the Ds. Well, he would, wouldn't he? "Mike Denness, K.S. Duleepsinhji, Ted Dexter, Barbara Daniels , Basil D'Oliveira, Johnny Douglas, Hubert Doggart, Tom Dollery, Phil DeFreitas, Graham Dilley, and lastly, to keep wicket... George Duckworth."

That was a terrible review by Cook, indicative, perhaps, of the fact that England have been caught short and aren't quite sure what they're about this morning.

Cook has been given out here! He looks stone dead LBW on the reviews! The ball pitched on middle-and-off and came back inside the bat, hitting Cook in front. That looks stone dead.

There's a surreal atmosphere in the ground as Starc starts his second over, the cries of a few enthusiastic fans echoing around the empty stands. Starc's first two balls are well wide of off-stump. It's another maiden. A variation on a theme here, from a new friend of the OBO, Kamila Shamsie. "You could form an entire test team of Pakistanis with the name 'Mohammad' - Hanif Mohammad, Mohammad Hafeez, Mohammad Yousuf, Shoaib Mohammad, Sadiq Mohammad, Wazir Mohammad, Mohammad Asif, Mohammad Amir, Mushtaq Mohammad, Mohammad Sami, Mohammad Irfan." I'm not sure if you can do a similar thing with Smith, which is, I think, the most common surname among English Test cricketers.

What an unexpected treat this is. Ryan Harris is going to take the first over, to three slips and a gully. The ground is largely empty. There are 98 overs today, rain allowing. But I'd wager we won't have time for a third that many. So it's imperative Australia make the English batsmen play at each and every ball, something Harris failed to do with his first three deliveries in this opening over. His sixth is a ripsnorter though, shooting up off a length past Cook's shoulders. Jon McCauley-Oliver has opted to go for the As: "Atherton, Amiss, Athey, Ames, D Allen, G Allen, Appleyard, Allott, Anderson, Arnold, Agnew."

It's on! This is brilliant! Australia need ten wickets. England need to bat until stumps, whenever that should be, or score 332 runs to retain the Ashes. Rain come save me.

"Strong bowling attack for the Ls" says Gareth Fitzgerald. "With Larwood, Laker and Lever. Chris lewis is paroled for the all-rounder spot, and former child prodigy mark Lathwell opens the batting, with Bumble at three. The gloriously named Hopper Levett is keeping near the boundary for some of larwood’s short stuff. Firebrand tyro Syd Lawrence provides more raw pace. Batting line-up not so special with onus on bumble and Lamby, given the plethora of bits-and-pieces batsmen. Lathwell, Lamb, Lloyd, T Lewis, P Lever, C Lewis, Levett, Larwood, Laker, Lawrence, J Lever."

I wasn't anticipating that. Excuse me while I scamper off to get myself a coffee. Let's hope England's openers are a little better prepared.

Says Sam Watson. "But spare a thought for poor Willie Quaife, destined to never feature in alphabet-based frivolity. Scored a century on his Warwickshire debut and 35 years later in his last match too - aged 56. Over 36,000 runs and 900 wickets but only 7 test appearances." He does look a rather lonely and dour chap in his photograph, doesn't he?

"I understand the principle of the Louis-Schmelling thing well enough," says Stephen Pay. "And to a certain extent sympathise with it but I wonder if anyone can explain in light of the said paradox how it is there are so many gobby Manchester United, Barcelona and Celtic fans on the streets – according to Louis-Schmelling they should all have lost interest years ago. Maybe football is the exception that proves the rule?" Maybe football just attracts a disproportionate number of gobby blowhards?

My pleasure Mathew Adams. That's what we're here for. "Here is a list for the 'C' team: Alistair Cook, Colin Cowdrey, Dennis Compton, Brian Close
John Crawley, Paul Collingwood, Dominic Cork, Tich Cornford (wk), Robert Croft, Jack Crawford, Andrew Caddick." Extra points for the inclusion of Tich Cornford there. As Guy Hornsby says: "The letter C proved tricky in some ways, giving England a pretty strong batting line-up, but a touch 'all-rounder' on the bowling, and only poor old Tich Cornford behind the stumps, with his four tests in New Zealand in 1930. Still, it's nice to revive the career of one of England's sepia-tinted nearly men (http://sporteology.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Tich-Cornford.jpg). The line-up would be: Cook, Close, D Compton, C Cowdrey, Crawley, Collingwood, Capel, Cork, Croft, Cornford, Caddick. Not too shabby by any means, though I think we'd want to bat first on a good pitch though."

"While we vainly wait for some play, did we ever get an answer to the trivia question of what is the lowest score never scored by a batsmen in test cricket?" Which is a shame, because if I had been on OBO duty at the time it cropped up I could have told you that the lowest score never made by a batsman in Test cricket is 229. True story.

It's not like I've spent a seriously unhealthy amount of time thinking about all this or anything.

"There's probably not much scope for a K team but it would be a pity to see Alan Knott miss out." Oddly enough you can get a reasonable XI together from the Ks (Nick Knight, Barry Knight, Tom Killick, Rob Key, Roy Kilner, Alex Kennedy, Alan Knott, John King, James Kirtley, Neville Knox). The Ms are pretty awful, which is odd given how many of them there have been (sorry Victor). The Es can just scrape an XI together too.

But that's the first good explanation I've seen of why some sports, and sports cultures, prefer a draft system.

"This discussion on whether to wish for a close series versus the team you support winning everything: In sports economics there is this concept called the Louis-Schmelling Paradox which states that although you want your team to win every game it plays, if it actually did then the certainty of victory kills interest. So the quality of a competition depends not only on the overall ability of the two teams, but also how well matched the teams are. Its one of the main drivers of why North American sports have this draft system to allow the weakest teams first access to the best emerging players. The name comes from the 1938 boxing re-match between Louis and Max Schmelling which was over in 2 minutes - in boxing the length of the competition as well as the quality depends on the evenness between competitors."

Australia have declared with a lead of 331.

Haven't figured out how I'll judge it yet. I might see if I can get some venerable ex-international to decide for us. Here's a very fine T side from Rob Scott. "Trescothick (cpt), Tavare, Trott, Thorpe, Tyldesley (for the Old Trafford faithful), Taylor (wkt), Titmus, Tate, Trueman, Tyson, Tufnell."

The umpires are having a conversation with the two captains. Michael Clarke looks ready to go. Alastair Cook's body language is a little less enthusiastic.

says Kit Lewis. "I've given it some thoughts at the S’s are my personal favourite England All-Time Test XI: "Owais Shah, Stewart (Micky, not Alec, obviously), Smith (one test wonder Ed, not Robin). Chris Schofield takes the all-rounder spot with spin support from Peter Such and Ian Salisbury and medium pace from Sidebottom (Arnie, not Ryan), Martin Saggers, Mike Smith, and TMS’s Mike Selvey. Bowler-heavy but an attack feared around the globe. Just a shame there’s no room for Sutcliffe, Stewart, Swann or Statham."

Amazingly, it's not raining at this precise minute. But Old Trafford hasn't installed new drainage, so it might still take a while for the outfield to be fit for play.

they both include a certain "Selvey M" at No10. Shameless suck-ups. Tom Bennett's effort must be the best of the rest: "Sutcliffe, Strauss, Subba Row, Smith R, Steele, Sharpe, Stewart A, Swann, Statham, Snow, Sidebottom."

asks Stephen Holt: "Gooch, Gower, Grace, Graveney, Gatting, Greig, Gibb, Giles, Gough, Geary, Gilligan." That is a fine side, the best so far for sure. I'd have liked it more if you had managed to squeeze Harold Gimblett in, but that's my Somerset bias coming through.

Good luck with that.

"There is a little bit of hope for some play as there are some dry gaps in the forecast rain radar. However it is a matter of how fast the OT outfield dries, and we understand it takes about 2 hours. But either way, there will be a lot more rain later on, so I think it is game over. Here is the latest rain radar image from the Home and Dry app:"

I took umbrage at that, for sure, because it was an enormous overreaction to a single defeat. If England had treated Australia with a fraction of the contempt, or acted with half as much complacency, as some of their fans did after that one win, they'd be in an even worse position than they already are in this Test. England are the stronger side, no doubt about that, but Australia, as we've seen, are still capable of beating them unless they play better than they have done in the last four days.

And Goldenhair Gower is trying to sell us on the idea that we might actually get to see some play soon. But even he is struggling to swallow that line. The covers are on, the handful of spectators in the ground have their umbrellas are up, and the super-soakers are rolling around the outfield. It is, Gower says, "raining not heavily, but steadily". Don't hold your breath.

"I suspect we don't like the idea of a boring, one-sided Ashes contest because it doesn't fit the legend we've built around it." Which is, I think, pretty much spot-on. But, Ian, I've never said, and never thought, that a close series is "more important" than an England victory. Just that it would be more enjoyable. I think anyone those who disagree with that, and no doubt there are plenty of them, are people whose first concern when watching cricket is seeing their own team succeed. In short, they're fans whose love of their own team outweighs their appreciation of the game. That's not a slight on Emma, far from it. I think she'd say herself that she writes about cricket as a England fan first and foremost, and always has done.

"Since your podcast, Guardian journalists seem to be lining up to rubbish your opinion that a close series is more important than an England victory," he writes. "I did think that Emma John's line on watching performance art about the futility of life' a slightly harsh commentary on the Bull/Smyth OBO oeuvre, however."

The Met office has issued a yellow 'heavy rain' warning in Manchester, effective from 7am this morning through to 9pm tonight. Need a second opinion? Have a look at the weather radar on Raintoday. This game is going nowhere. I imagine play will be called off around 4pm.

"OK I'll bite," says Oliver Wilkes. "Maybe become the 1056th OBOer to ask - why no Bradman?" H'm. The clue is in the bit where it says "an XI of English Test players". I'll forgive you, Oli, since it's 9.45am on a Monday morning, but that email does rather remind me of the marvelous comment left by the Cricinfo commenter vpyati underneath this old piece of Selve's on the best left-handed XI he has seen in Test cricket.

Here's Mike Selvey's match report and this, I thought, is the pick of the other pieces in today's paper, Barney Ronay's take on Kevin Pietersen's problems with press conferences.

Consider this open season on the OBO. If you need to pick the hive mind, drop me a line. In the meantime, I'm going to briefly return to the extremely geeky riff I was running on Saturday afternoon. It is, as I explained then, all Mike Selvey's fault. If you can come with an XI of English Test players whose surnames all start with the same the letter, send it in. I suspect you'll struggle to beat the B team of Boycott, Barber, Brearley, Bell, Barrington, Botham, S Broad, Binks, Bedser, Barnes, Bosanquet or the H XI sent in by Peter Cave: Hobbs, Hutton, Hendren, Hammond, Hardstaff, Hayward, Hoggard, Hendrick, Higgs / Hollies, Harmison, Huish. If anyone can convince me they've come up with a better XI I'll pluck a prize from the slushpile of sports books on the side of my desk and pop it in the post.

As Dusty would say, I think it's going to rain today. All day. And each successive drop is going to take England a little closer to retaining the Ashes, so this is how the urn is won, not with a bang nor a whimper, but the squelch of umpires' shoes on turgid turf.